Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
