I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
