All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
