i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
