I heard we made out
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
