This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
