you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
