Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
