I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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