I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
