hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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