My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
