Nicole vs. Life
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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