he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
