Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
