I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
