i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
