so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
