Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
