why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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