I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
