If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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