There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
