We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
These tits shall not be calmed
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