She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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