i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
