Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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