The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
