Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize