if i can run in heels then i can drive
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
