D3 body, D1 cock
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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