walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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