i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
