Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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