if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
