i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
