dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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