Will you blow on my dice?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You ruined the universe
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize