God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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