Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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