The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
