You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
