What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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