My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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