dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
