You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
