My cat gives me a boner
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
