I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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