My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So here I am, sexting at work.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
