you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
