I will die if light touches me.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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