Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
