i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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