Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
