your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
