Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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