Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
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first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
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The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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