I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
