A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
