When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
