i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
