is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
