I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
