Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We just shotgunned beers for America
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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