So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
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