As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
