I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well most of my day revolves around power hour
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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