I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Is Oprah even human
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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