The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
