Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
